Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I'm in a new relationship with Alexa Lynne Robinson!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Wow, a year in Kuwait is almost over. Just a few weeks left and I'll be back on American soil. Time for the real world, which will probably be a bit harsh from my relative comfort here in the middle east. I'm better for this trip. I'm sick of the middle east. They always say that traveling makes you more culture and more open minded. I think that might be true when traveling to some places, but treveling to the middle east seems to have much the opposite affect.
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got, and while I what I got had its perks, I'm looking for something different now." - Tony from NCIS

Friday, April 06, 2007

Does she realize the pain she causes me? Its not about control its about honest concern for her. If she was with certain other people I wouldn't worry about the crazy behavior she does. I wish she realized that everytime she does something stupid I worry that she is going to do something I will regret.

Monday, March 12, 2007

The Ex

I miss her again. Talking with her is dangerous... I think for my sanity. But, its not her fault its my own. I don't know what to think anymore. She seems to be happy that we are talking again and I am happy we are talking again. I have fears, but I alos had some of the best times of my life when I was with her. So, what do I think now? I have to be patient and see what God's big plan has got in store for me. I think her and I have both grown up and both see what a lot of our issues were. I still don't know if I'm strong enough to be with her again. But, she does want us to get a drink together and she told me she misses the meals I used to cook for us, specifically acorn squash and meatloaf. I'm crazy for entertaining these thoughts of her and us again. I don't know what to do about any of it. There are to many good memories of us to just forget us and continue on with life.

I'm going to London in less than 12 hours. I can't wait for my vacation its going to be awesome. I need a cold pint of beer.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Apology

I'm sorry and your forgiven. It is really that simple. I made mistakes, I wasn't who I should have been, I wasn't strong enough, I can make a dozen excuses and attempts at explanation but, ultimately thats what they would be, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I don't regret anything, that I've learned from. The mistakes and events of the past have shaped me, alstered me and I think its how God has chosen to form me at times. Difficult times make us stronger and increasing our strength teaches us how to minister to other damaged people.
You weren't perfect then either, looking back I see that now. I thought so once. I've grown up and I've been trying to write this for a very long time now. I just needed to say I forgive you, and its gotta be one of the hardest things that I've ever said. I forgive you for everything the way things ended and the things that were said.

I have to say in some weird twisted way, you had an impact on who I have become, the good and the bad. Thank you.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Poem from "This Beautiful Mess"

When my brothers were too young to be wise
but too old to name things creatively,
they invented a game called:
Let's take turns jumping off Tom's roof
and throw the cat after the person who jumped.
At least they took turns...

Later, when my brothers were too young to be wise
but old enough to put their scientific knowledge to use,
they played a game called:
Let's pour gas over this giant pile of weeds
and then light it on fire.
At least the doctor said
that their eyebrows will grow back...

Later, when my brother was old enough to be depressed
but too young to know how to cope,
he would play a game called:
Let's go to Tom's house and do a lot of drugs
and drink all his step-dad's beer.
At least there was that one English teacher
who asked if something was wrong...
but what could you say?

We are so poorly equipped to deal with these troubles,
and there are so few doctors of the soul these days...
What is there to do?

I know some people who fight it all their lives,
kicking against the goads till they bleed to death.
Others, like Dad, ignore it,
thinking about hard work, sunshine, and
the passing of time will resolve it.
Still others, like Mom, ostracize and cast blame
by leaving condemnatory evangelical polemics taped
to your bathroom mirror.

But now my brothers and I are old enough
to begin to be wise,
yet still young enough to climb the cold roof
to talk and to smoke.
So I will play a new game with you called:
Let's go together and bear one another's burdens.
At least I will not laugh at your pain,
I will not try to fix your problems,
I will not ignore your suffering
or condemn you with my piety...
I will simply lie here next to you in the cold
while we breathe our smoky prayers to God.

-Raeben Nolan